Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
