There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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