apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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