He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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