giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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