I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
