Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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