dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
