the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize