alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
