If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
