Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
