So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
