And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we should paint friendship bongs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
