Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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