She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
