have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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