Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think my tv is drunk
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
