We got so high we made milksteak
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
