I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize