imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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