What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
