Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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