On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize