i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
