Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
