I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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