Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
