I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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