If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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