Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
