you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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