Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize