I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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