i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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