She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
