in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
