My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
