I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
