So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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