Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
