I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
