I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
