She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
