I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize