it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
