how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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