I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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