It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
