thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
