all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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