So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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