his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
