I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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