Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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