I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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