Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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