Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
