My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
