Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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