I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
