you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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