Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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