Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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