I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
