i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
