my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
