i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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