i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
