My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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