He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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