How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
