Michael Bay diarrhea
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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