just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
