You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
