oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You pole danced in your parka.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
