she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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