i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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