dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Please don't give away my fajitas
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
