Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
